i’ll be the one if you want me to.
i think it’s time for me to move on. i still love him but it’s not the same. sometimes, perhaps love really isn’t enough. part of me dreads breaking the news to him but the other half of me just wants it done and over with - wants to be free.
i think i have a soft spot for sad love songs because they put into words how i feel, if i actually lived in a sappy love story.
z and i have been through our highs and lows and a little over eighteen months later, he’s still here. due to work/school, for the last six months or so we’re lucky to see each other once a week and yet i don’t think it’s weakened our relationship; if anything, i treasure the time i have with him even more. when i leave the next morning i never feel like that’s the last time i’ll see him; i truly believe that our relationship, while perhaps unconventional, is strong. at the end of the day, there’s no one else i’d rather have by my side.
clearly, eighteen months in, we’ve gone past the honeymoon period and stuck together. while that’s certainly not decades, that’s still an accomplishment, i’d say.
he also helped me find a new job, one i truly enjoy. it’s only week two so my opinion could change but i’m excited to go to work every day. he was supportive throughout the entire interview process and was equally excited for me when i signed my offer letter.
i won’t lie, i still waver sometimes and wonder if he’ll get bored of our relationship but then i get my head screwed back on straight and realize he’s stuck with me despite the many times he could’ve upped and ran. we’ve both been hurt in the past and i think that’s why we’re both reluctant to actually say the words but i hope he knows from the things i do for him, or otherwise, that i truly love him. at this point, if there’s anyone i could imagine living with, it’s him.
i read my old posts and i guess it’s true — time ultimately does heal all wounds while leaving scars, as lessons learned.
I think most everyone is searching for that one person who somehow rights the world when everything’s topsy-turvy, who gives us butterflies even after you’ve been staring at each other for years, who makes us laugh. However, I think one thing that often isn’t listed (god knows, I never thought about it until fairly recently), is we should all seek someone who inspires us to be better — whatever “better” means for you [smarter, richer, nicer, faster, more ambitious, or all the above].
Personally, I want someone who says “let’s do it” instead of “let’s see.” It doesn’t necessarily mean they have to be participating alongside you; it could simply mean they’ll be in the back, offering support and advice. I want someone who makes me want to improve “me” because we both deserve a “better” me. I don’t want someone willing to just settle; I find the ability to overcome obstacles, to persevere despite the odds, to take risks, extremely attractive.
Forget about “the one”. I would hope that the people I surround myself with, all refuse to settle and they all strive to be their best. Hustling is hard and it’s tiring but sometimes, having people behind you who recognize the struggle and empathize with you, makes it a little easier. We all need people who believe in us when we’re struggling to believe in ourselves.
sometimes, when i flip through tumblr, some of the blogs reflect how i feel perfectly and i take comfort in the fact that we’re not alone in this world. that other people are going through exactly what i am, that i’m not alone in feeling how i feel.
it’s those moments that make the world a little less scary and lonely.